Why I’m deleting my social media apps

I have always been someone on top of the newest technology and social media trends. As a preteen, I was begging for a palm pilot. As a high schooler, my grammy very loving bought me the first generation iPhone. I was cyber bullied for the first time on Xanga. Even my first job out of college was working for Apple. Needless to say, I was hooked. It was whole new world to explore and opened my mind to things I wouldn’t have otherwise experienced. I loved it.

Photo by ROBIN WORRALL on Unsplash

Reflecting on social media’s role in my life over the last 15years or so, there are a lot of good things that have come from it. I have met so many new people, and I was able to market my photography for free. I can clearly see the areas it has benefitted me. However, I can also clearly see the areas it has not benefitted me. My earliest memory of social media starting to play a negative influence in my life was in college. My boyfriend at the time was getting frustrated with me as I sat on Facebook, comparing our relationship to those of my friends. He brought it up to me, but at the time, I couldn’t see it, and I just told him he was wrong.

Hindsight is always 20/20, and he certainly was not wrong. Even now as I’m typing this, I reached for my iPhone to check the comments on my recent post about deleting my social media apps. HA! What a joke! Admittedly, I am a social media expert, but with these reflections, I’ve decided to delete my apps for the foreseeable future. Here’s why:

1. Prescence — Over the last couple of years, I have gone through my own awakening. I’ve become more aware and conscious of myself and the connectedness of humanity. This has forced me to reflect a lot on my shadows and take the road to heal. Throughout that process, I have learned that I often dwell in the past and believe in the salvation of the future. This thinking has been the source of my own suffering for years and is actually a crippling disease a lot of humans experience. Dwelling on the past causes depression and despair, wishing for a moment that is not real anymore. Hoping for the future causes anxiety and shame, thinking that things will be better when xyz happens. In my consciousness, I’ve learned that sitting and scrolling only exasperates these feelings for me, and unfortunately, most humans do it unconsciously. They aren’t even aware of the suffering they are causing themselves. Living in the present is the only way we can truly find peace and end that suffering, and social media is filled with nothing but all your past memories and posts from others that show you what you do not have yet. Who wants to live in that space? So by removing social media, I hope to become more present in my life.
2. Comparison — I am so tired of comparing myself to everyone else. This is again a subconscious space. I haven’t even realized for so long that I was doing it. I could see a beautiful picture of a friend on a trip and like it or comment on it, thinking that it’s no big deal. However, afterwards I feel like complete shit. Why? Well…subconsciously, I was comparing how this month, I wasn’t taking any cool trips, and I must be doing something wrong to not be having the experience they’re having. Their experience looks so much cooler than what I’m currently doing at home. Such bullshit right? When I’m not comparing, I can find gratitude for how fulfilling my life is, even in the day to day moments. You don’t need a grand adventure to find joy, and you don’t need to post about how grand your adventure was for it to have been one for the books. I can’t tell you how many times I have stressed out over making sure I found the perfect spot to take the perfect photo so I could turn around post it. Sometimes I wonder if I would have even taken the photo at all if I couldn’t share it or how my experience in that moment may have been different if I wasn’t striving to compete with the social media comparison.
3. Headaches — Yes, I have noticed that days I spend an exorbitant amount of time on social media I actually have a headache. It’s not the normal type of headache. It’s more like pressure. Pressure from consuming too much information in a day. Pressure from playing out all the internal and subconscious dialogues and rumination in my mind. Pressure from making sure I show up enough or perfectly for those that follow me. Pressure from from wondering if there is even any point it. Pressure from wondering why this post didn’t get the traction it should. Pressure from wondering how that person blew up on Instagram. The list could go on, and my body is clearly telling me that it’s ready to spend more time off the screen.
4. Distraction — Just like any substance or medium used to avoid dealing with things, social media is also at best a distraction and at worst an addiction. I realized that in moments of difficult feelings, I would turn to my phone to avoid processing or dealing with them. These apps became my drug and numbed me. As I gained awareness around this, I realized that by numbing myself, I was avoiding my own healing and just repeating the same patterns in my life over and over again. And while it’s really difficult, I acknowledge that I am abusing this medium and need to actually do the work on myself. By removing the apps, I hope to turn to more constructive means of coping that actually work to heal instead of numb. Meditation, journaling, movement, even just being present while I cuddle my dog are all ways to effectively process. Then when those hard feelings come up, allowing those feelings to move through my body and nurturing myself creates a deeper connection within me. Further there is actual proof that these apps are designed to be addictive. Have you watched The Social Dilemma?
5. Time — If I showed you the reports on my phone for social media app usage, your jaw would probably drop. Or maybe it wouldn’t because yours are exactly the same. Then we’ll both never talk about it or do anything about, yet feel a sense of shame knowingly or not. I used the excuse of being a small business owner as a means of continuing this type of usage. Well I have to be on here. I have to post. I have to communicate with my clients. I have to exist on here to get new leads. Truth be told, social media is NOT my number one source of leads for my businesses. It’s word of mouth. Wait…real connections are my number one source of income? And further, the amount of time I was spending on social media to actually do stuff for my business was not the 7 hours per day of usage my phone so kindly pointed out to me. When I realized how much time I was wasting on something that wasn’t even benefiting my income, let alone my life, I wondered what more I could be accomplishing if I wasn’t on this app. I’m excited to explore my hobbies more, focus on things that actually bring me joy, as well as find new ways of doing business that don’t require this app. Challenge has been accepted!
6. Connection & Intuition — I also noticed that the more I use these apps, the less connected I actually feel. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a group setting and looked up to see every single person looking at their phone. Or when I get in the elevator at my apartment, it never fails. The person inside doesn’t even look up or acknowledge my prescence. We are the most connected, yet most alone society in history. And this disconnection shows up not only to others, but to myself. As I’ve grown, I’ve learned that one area I’ve always struggled is in trusting myself. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Should I do this or that? This lack of trust caused me to make many decisions that ultimately hurt me. I was so disconnected that I wasn’t able to listen to my own intuition and innate knowing of what I needed. It became easy for me to sacrifice myself. As I’m striving to connect more to my own being, I have noticed that social media pulls me out of my body and intuition, which keeps me from being able to learn to trust myself again. And this makes me wonder how much more pleasant life would be, if I wasn’t confused or distracted by consuming things that aren’t necessary. If I was more in tune with myself. I’m excited to find out!
7. Fake News — This has a lot of ideations, from events going on in the world to the highlight real you see your ex posting. It’s all fake. I have really struggled with this as a photographer. I have had clients that wanted picture perfect photos to cover up flaws in their lives. I have questioned if putting out the imagery I create for people is indeed a false sense of reality. I haven’t come to a conclusion on this yet, but I’m excited to stop putting on a show. Nothing on social media shows you the reality of what’s actually going on. You can’t make out the intricacies of life or an event from a split second photo or 30 second reel. Most people only post what they want you to know about them. What they want you to believe so they feel more worthy or like they matter. There is no vulnerability and authenticity in that. Putting your best foot forward all the time just leads to disappointment, and real connection comes from being able to be honest and vulnerable about who you really are. However, the problem thanks to the fake news on social media is we then cultivate our beliefs and identities around this false reality. Well they look happy, and I must be garbage because I’m not living their life. Oh they don’t believe in human rights the way I do, so they must be shit. Sadly, all these beliefs and stories are created from a very curated platform, from both the posters and the algorithm. It’s a little fucked up, and leaves me with the question…who are you really?

But what if everything you were seeking out of social media or outside of yourself was already within you? What if you already mattered? What if you already had everything you needed without social media telling you that you didn’t? That’s what matters to me right now. Living in the present and finding fulfillment and joy within myself. When I’m in the now moment, I love my life. I am grateful for it. It’s the moments I slip out of prescense that give me the greatest suffereing. As I strive for more consciousness and living in the present, I recognize that social media has no place there. And while it’s a little scary to let go of something you’ve had in your life for over a decade, I have to believe that who I am and what I bring to the world exists far beyond the shell of what’s seen on these apps. It’s time to take my life and my businesses into the real world. Real connections. Real experiences.